The Journal of Endochronic Endocrinology debuts its maiden issue
today. The field of endochronic endocrinology began with a bang this year
when an endocrinologist for the first time tried resublimated thiotimoline in the
treatment of chronic hypothyroidism.
Thiotimoline
is an odd molecule, the simplest example of a class of endochronic substances in
which one
chemical bond
is so pressurized that it is distorted through the
temporal dimension into the future. This warped bond is what gives thiotimoline
the property,
first described in 1948
by graduate student I. Azimuth, of dissolving 1.12 seconds before being added
to water.
Thiotimoline has already lead to at least one commercial
application, but had never before been used in medicine. Although in vitro
experiments did not prove promising, 28-year-old University of Edinburgh-based
endocrinologist Hootie Gable began a clinical study this year. In this double-blind
experiment, resublimated
thiotimoline
proved astonishingly effective in the
treatment of hypothyroidism. Gable theorizes that thiotimoline binds to the
iodine atoms
in T3,
the peripherally generated,
biologically active version of thyroid hormone.
Thiotimoline temporally “smears” the T3 molecule into the future, causing it to remain active in
the body after it has already broken down. Since the
biological half-life of T3 is rather short,
this smearing effect seems to synergistically boost the hormone’s potency.
Late October of 2004, when the Society of Endochronic Endocrinology was
founded as a special interest group of the American Chronochemical Society,
they decided to salute the breakthrough by publishing the first
edition of the Journal today, approximately six months before Gable’s results
become available. Publisher Cass Canteloupe attributed the urgency of launching the
journal to rival claims already popping up in May of 2004, citing
precedence for certain key patents in the process.
In the course of my research for this story, I came across references to a tantalizingly entitled paper, The Micropsychiatric Applications of Thiotimoline (1959), by an I. Asimov. Unfortunately, I was unable to obtain a copy of the paper. My assertation that thiotimoline “had never before been used in medicine” may therefore be incorrect.
I distinctly remember to have seen such a research much more time ago… I think in the fifties… from a young chemical researcher named Azimov or something similar. This is a plagium! credit must go where it belongs… altough I’m a bit surprised that such a discovery did not lead to wondrous new physic…;-)
My bad… I did not noticed that that research was named… well, it’s always a pleasure to know that the great works of the past influence even today work… :P
All said and done Thiotimolene appears to have a distinct advantage over other time sensitive drug
delivery systems. For one, it’s spread across the real time barrier! In any case of use, it appears to have already been administered once it’s been detected! Therefore, all subsequent use is prohibited because we DO NOT OVERMEDICATE, right?
go eat your rice crispies, they’ll get soggy if you don’t.
y modern
comic xxx